Bedroom mistakes

Ladies, be honest: when your s-èx life becomes a little humdrum, out comes the mental catalogue of all the ways your partner isn’t quite measuring up. Guys tend to get a bad rap when it comes to understanding women’s bodies and what turns them on, making them easy targets in the blame game when s-èxual satisfaction starts to wane. And sure, they make their fair share of bedroom errors. But as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. As it turns out, top s-èx and relationship experts say that women make plenty of s-èx mistakes of their own. S-èx Mistake #1: Not initiating s-èx with your partner Many women worry about ladylike behavior. They don’t want to appear pushy or come on too strong for fear of being labeled aggressive. According to s-èxperts, failing to initiate s-èx is one of the biggest mistakes women make. Most guys feel like they are always the initiator and that sets up disequilibrium on the passion scale in the relationship. Generally, men want to be pursued by their partners just as much as women do. Holding onto outdated ideas about s-èx roles also inhibits satisfaction with our s-èxual relationships. One of such outdated ideas is that women are less interested in s-èxual activity. In actual fact, there are women who are as interested in s-èx as men. Indeed, some women are more interested in s-èx than men. Show your interest by taking the first step from time to time. Your partner will likely appreciate it, and you may find a new level of satisfaction in taking responsibility for your s-èxual experience. S-èx Mistake #2: Worrying about what you look like Thinking about how you look during s-èx stops you from enjoying yourself and ruins your chances of achieving an orgasm. Don’t think about the fat on your belly or the makeup on your face. Concentrate on the pleasure of the act. You must give yourself permission to have an orgasm. Men want their wives to abandon themselves in s-èx play, and that’s not likely if a woman is anxious about her physical concerns. The truth of the matter, actually, is that men don’t notice half the things women obsess about! It’s amazing what men don’t notice if you’re enthusiastic, energetic, interested in them, and flexible minded. According to s-èxperts, there is an evolutionary explanation for the selective blindness men show to women’s physical flaws. For Darwinian reasons, men are (unconsciously, of course) looking for women who are able to bear healthy babies. Starting millions of years ago, men who attracted fertile women and had a lot of children lived on. Those who could not died out. Although maybe not as necessary today, primal survival mechanism lives on. Men are much more attracted to women who show signs of health and youth and fertility. Rather than worry about the shape of your waist and hips, worry about your energy level and enthusiasm and interest in him. S-èx Mistake #3: Assuming s-èx is casual for men S-èxperts believe we should all let go of oldfashioned notions, such as women are not s-èxual or that s-èx is just s-èx to men. For some men, s-èx is a very important act. Research supports the idea that both men and women find s-èxual intimacy in the context of a committed relationship to be more satisfying. Numerous research studies make it very clear that the people who have the best quality and most frequent s-èx are married couples. That says a lot about the inadequacies of ‘casual s-èx.’ In a study of university students engaging in one-night stands, the numbers show that men are just as serious about s-èx and relationships as women. In fact, more than 50% of women and 52% of men who went into a one-night stand, according to the researchers, reported that they did so hoping to create a longer relationship. Onethird of them actually did so. What’s the lesson? Never assume that a man is not romantic. According to s-èxperts, “Two huge mistakes that are commonly made are that women are not s-èxual and that men are not as romantic [as women].” S-èx Mistake #4: Believing he’s always up for s-èx Sure, most teenage boys are ready and willing to have s-èx just about any time you ask, but that’s not true for men. The pressures of everyday life — family, work, bills — can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women, and often, men’s lack of interest in s-èx is something women take personally. “It comes as such a shock [to women] that they just don’t believe it,” a s-èxpert says about the reaction many women have when their partner says they aren’t in the mood for s-èx. “They know themselves that they are not always interested in s-èx but they still love the man. But when they discover he doesn’t want to have s-èx, they think, ‘he doesn’t love me.’ Ladies, that’s not true. He just doesn’t want to have s-èx.” S-èx Mistake #5: Not giving him guidance Talking very directly about s-èx, what we like and don’t like can make us feel uncomfortable, even with a partner we’ve been with for a long time and otherwise feel close to. But it’s the only way to achieve a satisfying s-èxual relationship. A woman must take responsibility for her s-èxual encounter. No man can bring a woman to orgasm if she doesn’t take responsibility for her s-èxual experience. Even the best lover can’t know what a woman needs if she does not let him know. The good news is that men very much want to please women. If women can tell them in a way that doesn’t kill their ego, they will appreciate it. S-èxperts advise women to sandwich what they don’t like in between five things they do, because he’s listening. “You may not find out until the next time you’re in bed with him. But men do listen, particularly if you’re quite clear about it.” S-èx Mistake #6: Getting upset when he suggests something new After a couple has been together for a while, it’s natural to want to spice things up with a little variety. Just because your man wants to try something new doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you or your s-èx life. In short: Don’t take it personally. Still, it’s important that you tune into your comfort zone. Nobody should ever feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do in the personal and intimate area of s-èxuality. According to a s-èxpert, “If your man asks you about trying something that’s outside of your morals, make it clear that it’s off limits for you and explain why. Of course, do this in a loving way as best you can. If it is something that is not really a moral issue for you but you still don’t want to, again explain why. If it is simply a startling request and you’re initially uneasy about it, try not to overreact. Instead, let him know you need some time to think about it.”

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